Eye Burning Palette Challenge

Working with palettes is always fun for me; I tend to not experiment with color much, so being forced to is always a treat. Add to this my recent fixation with Raiden from the Metal Gear series, and I decided to tackle my final large project of the year: drawing 16 images of Raiden using a very bright collection of colors. I don’t remember who originally made this palette, but if you do, please let me know. I also remember there being rules with this ‘challenge,’ but I discarded those and just did the best I could using the colors with as few/no color correction, and using white and black as sparingly as possible if not already included.
This was a process of about 4-5 months.

The images in this set, while not explicit, contain Body Horror, Gore, or Risque images, so everything is below the cut. Continue reading “Eye Burning Palette Challenge”

Hakuro As Hakuro

Recently I have been playing Final Fantasy 14, an MMORPG, and finishing up the Stormblood expansion. In the expansion there’s a blink-and-you’ll-miss-it Lupin NPC named Hakuro Whitefang. Hakuro is a name used by a Siberian Husky in the Ginga Nagareboshi Gin series, so I combined them. The color variants come from the manga design (the black) and the anime design (the brown).

An anthro wolf dressed in asian inspired armor holding a sword. He is brown and cream with black markings around his eyes and a blue nose,An anthro wolf dressed in asian inspired armor holding a sword. He is black and cream with darker black markings around his eyes,

New Theme

I can never find a WordPress theme I just like, one I want to stick with. One I think, for as much as I hate the phrase, “shows off my brand.” I wish I could find something more akin to ye olde artsites of old, I want curved edged and pictures of my art at the top, but I just haven’t found anything that really holds my interest for long. So here’s attempt number three at a theme, lets hope it sticks around for a bit.

Redesigning Sassou

In my very young days on the internet, I frequented a lot of Roleplaying forums, specifically ones involving dogs loosely based around the Silver Fang universe. I made a lot of poor choices  (and even poorer grammar mistakes) back then, but also made friends I can’t believe still talk to me. Many of the characters that were made circa ’07 were lost to time and I refuse to acknowledge them officially, anymore, but I think about one a lot: Sassou.

I think Sassou’s name was my quasi-attempt at Japanese, with the legendary Sussano from OKAMI in my head at the time. I don’t know how to pronounce her name, in my head it’s something I can only say when I’m not trying to say it, otherwise it’s just a bunch of syllables that don’t work. Sassou was, to put it bluntly, an edgey bisexual – my brain seemed to believe that all bisexuals had a sense of punk or anti-authority about them, as my limited scope showed me, and Sassou was my attempt to emulate that. She was also my attempt at creating an Opposite to myself – as I also had a dog version of myself at the time who was mostly anxious and timid – so Sassou was the opposite of that….which ended up being an annoying show-off, and not a rebel who cared not for gender roles as I wanted her to be.

Moving on, I’ve often thought about redesigning Sassou, as she was a mess back then with few art pieces made for her. She was the ever rare mix of a Border Collie and Kai-Ken, my excuse to make a white brindle dog. I thought I’d go ahead and redraw Sassou’s original (to my memory) design, and one slightly? Better? Albeit, I think, her design and color choice is just not the greatest to work with.



Art Fight 2022 Thread



My second time participating in Art Fight, I got 29 drawings done. Here they are in full resolution for your viewing pleasure.

The Rain Transformed: An Argument for a Trans Reading of Raiden from MGS

This essay will be a discussion of material mentioned in the Metal Gear series of games. This could also be titled my personal connection to Raiden, or why I find myself so enamored by a character from a series of games that never really held my interest when they were new. As such, this essay will discuss Transphobia, Sexual Assault, and various other outward branching topics as well as spoilers for the games Metal Gear Solid 2, Metal Gear Solid 4, and Metal Gear Rising: Revengeance. To be sure, I understand much of my reading of Raiden is through a biased, projecting lens – but I feel my experiences may also be interesting both to fans of the game, fans of the character, and other trans people who like to find characters to resonate with.






According to twitter user @MetalGear_OOC, the concept artist for Raiden, Yoji Shinkawa, designed him to be unisex: “from the very beginning, Raiden was to be a ‘unisexual’ character… this was so both male and female gamers can relate to this character.”

He is given longer hair than Snake, makeup (eyeliner, more emphasized eyelashes), and a feminine body shape versus Snake (thin and curvy). His outfit and model also bear a strong resemblance to Fortune’s, another character, which is even more emphasized by this Mod which gives him an almost identical outfit highlighting his thighs.


His outfit, as much of his outfits will be as the series continues, is reminiscent of a skeleton. Moreso, it greatly highlights a ribcage, something that becomes all the more eyebrow raising when Raiden mentions early one that his outfit has “a lot of pressure on my torso.” Although Snake complains about his outfit in other games and in other missions, the specificity of the chest seems to imply that Raiden either has a fairly large chest area, or, perhaps, a certain sensitivity that makes this suit uncomfortable. Of course, when we later see Raiden naked in the game, there are no scars present across his body…though, as a child soldier, this feels especially strange – the Nanomachines likely have something to do with his lack of scars, or perhaps more simply, the graphics fidelity of the PS2.


From there, we see small bits of conversation between him and Rose. Over codec, Rose pleads to know his past, which he never talks about, and even takes a guess at what his past might be: “That you used to be a woman?” Although his actual past canonically does not mention him being trans, this is an odd choice for Rose to guess, of all the other things she could have said….though, provided his physical appearance, perhaps it isn’t so strange at all? In addition, Rose reveals toward the end of the game that she is pregnant, something that could seemingly burn a hole right through the Raiden-is-trans theory; however in a series where Nanomachines can do everything from healing to suppressing fear, and we have Mechs of mass destruction that can be manned or unmanned, I don’t find it unbelievable in the slightest that said Nanomachines could produce sperm for a transman.


In an infamous scene later in MGS2, the (fictional) president of the United States grabs at Raiden’s crotch, perhaps at an attempt at humor that I don’t quite understand. The president is flabbergasted that Raiden is, in fact, a man, and Raiden is just as taken back by this assault. Played for laughs or not, it’s hard not to see this as the literal US Government policing trans bodies and deciding who is a “real” woman or man – by inspecting their genitalia, no less. Again, Raiden is gender non-conforming, as we’ve seen, he blurs the lines, and in doing so becomes something that rebels against the Order of things, the status quo. This rebellion, this crossing of lines, is key to his character growth and arc throughout the series.


But what of the plot of MGS2 and Raiden’s canon history? As @MetalGear_OOC states, there are definite feminine qualities to flashback child Raiden’s art, but what I take issue with is the idea that the Patriots would simply “respect” Raiden’s pronouns. The key to MGS2, and MGS4 for that matter, is the idea that the Patriots have planned for everything, and every betrayal, every heel turn, is expected. The plot is a mass of snakes, each attacking one another, and yet the Patriots can sit back and say its all according to plan – what would they, great overseers, care about one child soldier’s pronouns? It is everything – for Raiden to be another Snake, he has to not only want it, not only be a good soldier, but also have something to prove, something to keep him going. By selecting a child they know is trans, or will be trans, the Patriots know Raiden will push himself harder than any cisman. He has something to prove, he has more scrutiny over every single thing he does, everyone will judge him harshly simply because he isn’t cis, and this drive is what makes him the perfect puppet. He idolizes the masculinity of Snake, wishes to make it his own – Snake is his model of masculinity, for better or for worse, and it takes Snake himself to break him out of this way of thinking.

Snake: “Life isn’t just about passing on your genes. We can leave behind much more than just DNA. Through speech, music, literature, and movies… what we’ve seen, heard, felt… anger, joy, and sorrow… these are the things I will pass on. That’s what I live for. We need to pass the torch, and let our children read our messy and sad history by its light. We have all the magic of the digital age to do that with. The human race will probably come to an end some time, and new species may rule over this planet. Earth may not be forever, but we still have the responsibility to leave what traces of life we can. Building the future and keeping the past alive are one and the same thing.”

At the end of MGS2, when all the shit hits the fan, Solidus reveals Raiden’s past in full, claiming that not only was he a child soldier chosen for this fate, but also that Solidus hand picked him, killed him family, and named him. In this way, we don’t know Raiden’s birthname – instead, we have a given name, Jack. A simple, ambiguous name that can be short for any number of masculine or feminine names? We don’t know. We only know that this name is what Raiden has used for the vast majority of his life, and that, coupled with what we see in MGR and Snake’s speech, it seems the name ‘Jack’ carries a lot of baggage. Is it him? Is it a deadname? This loss of identity at the end of an otherwise optimistic MGS2 ending paves the way for the angst of Metal Gear Solid 4.





Metal Gear Solid 4, as it focuses on Snake over Raiden, makes Raiden’s arc more internal. Most of the game, Raiden is spent somewhere between repaying Snake, a father figure he looks up to, and a deathwish, as he’s lost everything he was living for at the end of MGS2. Raiden pushes this turmoil down by protecting and aiding Snake, the only unchanged (ironically) part of his life. In this way, despite all of Snake’s efforts at the end of MGS2, Raiden still looks up to him as a pillar to be emulated. MGS4’s various themes and plot elements overlap one another into a confusing mess, but throughout the game we see grappling with gender roles. Neither Snake or Otacon seemingly, somehow, know how to cook, and bumble their way through being good parents to Sunny. It is only when a female influence, Naomi, is added, that Sunny is able to perform the inherently feminine task of frying eggs. Naomi goes so far as to say that “women have to work hard to keep appearances up to impress men,” which sits wrong in my stomach considering Sunny’s day-to-day life at this point consists of her two dads (Snake and Otacon) and her brother (Raiden). Notably, Naomi and Raiden join Snake and Otacon around the same time, influencing Sunny in different ways. Sunny learns from Naomi but protects Raiden, shielding him both from the destructive path he and Snake lead, but also she learns a more subtle truth: Raiden’s act of gender defiance puts him at risk.

Raiden’s body in MGS4 has been transformed and is inhuman; he’s gone through yet another physical transition. If MGS2 ended with a rebirth of Raiden, giving him a path to retread in life, it seems he still has to re-face the same difficulties he had in his first transition. His cyborg body, despite its desexualized appearance at first, is still feminizing. MGS4 introduces four cyborg bosses, bookmarking parts of the story as Snake progresses. These are the only named cyborg characters, other than Raiden, and all four are female.
Furthermore, all of these cyborg characters possess another trait, white blood, a visual shorthand for semen in the fanservice shots of the boss fights. But Raiden, as male, still possesses this blood. He isn’t seen in quite the same compromising condition as the women, but he is bedridden for much of his screentime, in agony and unmoving. Both the women and Raiden are likened to nature, with each of the women being named after animals, while Raiden is given attributes of a storm. Notably, all of the women are also victims of war, forced to fight and abandon their humanity in ways not unlike Raiden was, and in fact, by some of the same people as who controlled Raiden.


Furthermore, MGS4 plays with the duality of Beauty and the Beast, in a not so subtle way – by making the women out to be beasts, the metaphor becomes obvious: “Word on the street says that beneath those ugly-ass suits the B&Bs [Beauty and the Beast corps] are real babes. Drop dead gorgeous. They also say each one of thems been traumatized by war. They weren’t even soldiers to begin with…more like victims of war. They suffer shell-shock on the battlefield, Post-traumatic. It damaged their minds pretty much beyond repair, so the only way they could cope with the reality of battle was to become war machines themselves. The remnants of their human side are buried deep within. The beast: that’s what you see on the outside. War transforms us…into beasts…but deep within that shell, something human survives, a fragile, scarred heart. Without a shell to protect it, it’s like a yolk of an egg. Word going ‘round is, they’re natural flesh-and-blood bodies can’t survive in the open for more than a few minutes…  ”. The blatant sexism aside, we also see this applied to Raiden (and to a lesser degree, Snake). Change the pronouns, and this paragraph could describe Raiden.
Later, Snake tells Raiden, “your body may be a machine, but your heart is human,” thus emphasizing Raiden’s humanity even if his outside (and most of his inside) is literally no longer human. For the women, their beastliness is a suit, able to be cast off as they return to themselves in a fetal baby-like (innocent) position, but Raiden is incapable of this. When he casts off his coat, it only reveals his cyborg body – was this an attempt at hiding the body he is ashamed of, and perhaps, a nod toward the feelings of dysphoria? Surely, Raiden is made depressed by his body, his second transformation forced upon him. We as the audience get to see his transition onscreen, no longer is it an off screen past event: we are seeing Raiden transition in real time. We see the effects of dysphoria on the psyche, as Raiden’s constant brushes with death argue he could be suicidal, in part, because of his body.

Even the fetal position the women assume upon their death is seen in Raiden when reunited with Rose in a bittersweet and not-well executed wrap up. But it is in this scene that we see the greatest nod to Raiden’s transness. Of course his body has changed, but it is only when meeting Rose that we see him outwardly belittle himself: “Like a scene from Beauty and the Beast”. He compares himself to a Beast, continuing this running theme. It is through Rose showing him love (though notably not giving us the Shrek-esque moment of a kiss) and telling him he isn’t a beast – taking his focus away from their reflection in a mirror – that we end his appearance in MGS4.




In MGR we see a more confident Raiden once he is introduced with his new battle suit, no longer a clunky mess but an athletic and sleek approach meant for combat. This, plus his ability to rip out enemy’s spines to heal, adds a kink to Raiden’s emotional arc, however: while MGS4 ends with him being encouraged to accept his humanity and embrace that he is still human (in contrast to Snake – notedly MGS4 ties humanity to the ability to reproduce) MGR instead encourages the idea that Raiden can never fit into society, he is only his past and only a killer, a robot. While in MGS4 he ends with saying he won’t leave to Rose, MGR she is notably absent, in New Zealand, while Raiden travels the globe hopping to various countries. Although MGR has a literal physical plot, it feels like a metaphorical journey for Raiden, as well, something like his own personal hell he has to accept and learn and grow from.


Thematically, all of the bosses in MGR are named after Winds (Mistral, Monsoon, Sundowner, and Jetstream), and Raiden’s name derives from Japanese meaning Thunder or Lightning (In MGS4 Snake calls him “the storm transformed”). In this way, the winds of destruction are trying to direct Raiden, the storm – each trying to pull him into their ideology (which is, to be sure, very anti-trans considering the amount of Rules of Nature themes). Raiden stands against them and cuts them down, not letting himself be carried through their storm – at a cost however. The Winds all only refer to Raiden by what amounts to his Dead Name – Jack – and while his dead name is especially complicated, he has discomfort with hearing it. He embraces the name, eventually, and while not all trans people will embrace, accept, or even mention their dead name, it is something that is grappled with. Coming to terms with your past, seeing your past through pictures, memories, or just people from your past recounting stories, a trans person is always fighting against an image of themselves that may no longer exist but persists to those around them. Raiden is pushed into accepting his deadname through pain, it is a survival response (through his pain inhibitors being turned off) that triggers it. Jack, being a suitably unisex name (though perhaps Jackie is more common), ultimately becomes a part of him. He accepts it, and all of its baggage, to be a part of him. Note, also, that only the villains of the game call him Jack – a far cry from MGS2 and 4 where Rose calls him Jack, and in MGS4 where he is only referred to as Raiden. All of his allies call him Raiden, and even Raiden himself seems to fall into a despair that he ever was human. But I think, ultimately, by the end of the game, Raiden is far more complete and self-actualized, coming to terms with his past and who he is and who he has become: it isn’t pretty, not at all, but he knows that no one else should go through what he did, and the humanity he demonstrates in saving children from his fate is far more human than any words of encouragement could define.

Review: Sketchbox June 2022

Sketchbox is has reliably been one of my favorite art subscription boxes, will this one continue the trend?
Full disclaimer: I was not provided any free boxes by any art subscription companies; everything was paid for by me, out of my own pocket. My opinions are my own.

To start off, lets check the products and if Sketchbox’s appraisals are correct. I use a combination of Blick and Amazon to check the price – if one does not have the product, usually the other does. These are not affiliate links.

Derwent Chromaflow, set of 12 (Custom picked): $19.30
Holbein Colored Pencils, 2: $3.26 each
Holbein Meltz Color Pencil Blender: $8.85
Princeton SNAP Round Brush, Size 2: $1.87
SketchBox Coldpress Pad, 4×6; Unknown as Sketchbox specific, but probably around $9.00

A little different than Sketchbox’s estimates, this box comes to a total of $45.54. I pay $40.00 for the box, including shipping. The box itself (premium) is $35 dollars/month, so is still worth the overall price, in my opinion, if you like to experiment with different art supplies considering these are – ideally – curated to all work together.
Sketchbox has included these colored pencils in the past, being a joint effort on Derwent and Sketchbox’s part, but I believe the colors are different from the past boxes. I am unsure at this time what the ‘Basic’ version of this month’s box contains, as of this writing it isn’t for sale on their Past Boxes page, but be sure to check it in case they do add it.

If I had to guess, I’d say the Holbein pencils are probably not included in the basic box – Holbein is, to my understanding, one of the most expensive colored pencil brands. A Faber-Castell Polychromos cost $2.65 each, while a Prismacolor Premier cost $2.69 each, this is nearly a dollar more than my go-to colored pencil brands. If you look at sets of 12, the Holbein set is going to be nearly forty dollars, whereas Faber and Prisma are both under $20. These are definitely higher-end pencils, and I’m excited to try them.

The colors for my Holbeins were Juan Brilliant and Pink – enough to work with a very fair skintone. I’ve needed skintone appropiate pencils, and while this is VERY limiting, it is better than nothing, I suppose, and I’m not going to turn down a luxury product. The sketchbox-derwent pencils were a variety of bright colors: Black, Pink, Orange-Red, Yellow-Orange, Yellow, Yellow-Green, Bright Green, Turquoise, Light Blue, Dark Blue, Light Gray, and Purple (not the exact color names). This selection was actually quite challenging, as there isn’t a proper red-red nor a brown, meaning I had to cheat just a tiny bit in my piece as I needed a much more red-red than provided. Furthermore, no inking product, eraser, or pencil were provided – I used these to sketch out my test piece, and don’t mind that Sketchbox didn’t provide them. However, if you are i need of these supplies, another box might be better suited to you.

Due to my over-abundance of sketchbooks, I did not use the one provided, but instead my trusty Canson Mixed Media, which does well with most things I throw at it. I’ve used Colored Pencil liquid blender before, but I can never get enough of techniques for blending, so how did it all go?

Raiden from Metal Gear Risisng, and a hint at things to come…

Holbein was always sold to me as the best of both world for colored pencils. They are oil-based but blend like Prisma’s wax-based pencils – and to be sure, these blended very well. It was very smooth and gave a quick lay down, even when blunt. The Holbein’s were the highlight of this box – the rest was average. I have plenty of colored pencils, and while I appreciate adding these strange colors to my list, as my color choices do tend to stray from bright colors, nothing is really special about the other products. A brush is a brush for this medium, and the blender, while works, is no different from my Zest-It blender, though it lacks the citrus smell. Due to the very quick laydown of these pencils, I fear I overestimated my sketchbook’s tooth, and in doing so, may have muddied colors a little more than I intended. They also wore down the tooth of the paper quickly, despite the white patches, I found it difficult to lay any more color on top once blended. However, overall, the colors all worked well together, all worked with the solvent, and the Holbein’s did live up to expectations. I’m considering purchasing more skin tones from them to get achieve creamy consistency.

Review: Kuretake Ai

 Of all the art trends I see on Youtube, the art subscription boxes remain my favorite, purely because I love experimenting and trying new mediums that I haven’t before. These subscription boxes also have the added benefit, ideally, in that the contents contained within have been curated and tested to work together. This isn’t full-proof, however.
Full disclaimer: I was not provided any free boxes by any art subscription companies; everything was paid for by me, out of my own pocket. My opinions are my own.

Someday I hope to go over the big subscription boxes in detail, but for now I wanted to review and recount what product made me fed up with Art Snacks, in particular. Art Snacks, already, is my least favorite of all the subscription boxes, in no small part due to the fact their included contents often don’t go together, and even worse, they love to provide oversized paint markers that barely work in a sketchbook setting.
That being said, the Kuretake Ai seemed promising – when I received it in the box, I was fairly familiar with other Kuretake/Zig products, and according to Art Snacks, this was a new release at the time. It being straight from Japan, the pen has almost no English on it, so I am at the mercy of Art Snack’s description. According to them, this pen was made to mimic eyeliner and other makeup brushes, thus its claim to fame was its extremely fine brush and compact size, much smaller than any other standard liner or brush pen. I can only suspect the ‘Ai’ comes from the word ‘Eye’ due to its makeup origins, but this is pure speculation on my part.

This pen was a huge disappointment for me.

A photo of some of the swatches I've taken testing various pens, brushes, and fineliners.
A sampling of my pens and swatches. The name of the pen is followed by a colored circle and a colored square. The circle is tested with watercolor, the square with alcohol marker.

I‘m no expert with brush pens, my control over them is clunky at best, but in going over all my collection to double check this review, I swatched 30+ pens across companies, brush and fineliner alike, and this pen is by far the worst of them. Its fine line might be its selling point, but for as fine a line as it produces, its ink takes much, much longer to dry. Even a single stroke seemed to take over a minute to dry, and it by far was the slowest drying pen of mine. This is a huge setback, as being left-handed, a quick drying pen, especially a liner, is indispensable. Already weakened by this, I gave it all the time in the world to dry so I could move on to my tests with Alcohol markers and Watercolor.

Normally when I test pens, I use very light colors. I find if any alcohol marker is going to make a pen bleed, it’s going to be yellow (about the only thing that color is good for), but in this test I used one of my innumerable browns. Only a handful of my other liners failed the alcohol marker test, wherein I repeatedly colored over a small square of ink that had been left to dry. The Kuretake Ai failed, however, giving it a second strike.

It also failed with watercolor, which is far more common amongst the pens I have, as many are actually used for calligraphy where ink is not water resistant. If it were not for the alcohol marker failing and the slow drying ink, I could accept this pen amongst my other none-watercolor safe pens. And besides, there was a failsafe medium that I could

Kuretake Ai Swatch Vs. Other Pen Swatches showing it is not water and alcohol proof
Kuretake Ai Swatch compared to the not waterproof Kuretake ZIG Cocoiro swatch.

always turn to when a pen didn’t play well with alcohol or water: Colored Pencil.

That’s right, this is my first and only pen that seems to hate water, alcohol, and colored pencil, even after it has been allowed to dry – which already, it takes a long time to do. And because of that, there’s simply no use for this pen for me, no redeeming qualities at all, and seeing Kuretake say it’s water and alcohol proof on their site feels like an insult.


Final Kuretake AI Swatch
Final Kuretake AI Swatch, showing smudging with all three mediums.

If you like my review or want to read another artist’s take on this pen, check out Kiriska’s review.